Jealous Again

18 12 2007

It is common for women who are facing infertility to feel jealous, angry, or sad about others’ pregnancies. And I’m no exception. It isn’t that we don’t feel happy for them. Goodness knows I wish no one would have to go through infertility and miscarriage. It is a horrible experience. But at the same time it is hard to get past the envy. It isn’t fair to those women. They deserve children just as much as I do. Not to mention that these women could have gone through worse than me on their journey to pregnancy. Who knows? So lately I have been reminding myself to be less upset when I see someone with a big baby belly. But it took something more for me to finally start moving in the right direction.

Yesterday I was reminded how bad it is to make assumptions and how unfair it is to be negative about the pregnancy of someone else. There is a very pregnant woman at my husband’s work. I see her everytime I go to visit him and I admit it is hard for me to see her. My husband hasn’t talked to her much since she works in a different department, but yesterday they were talking and my husband admitted to her that he felt a little jealous of her. She asked why and he explained that we had been trying for a while now and we had no luck. Turns out she had been trying for 3 years before she got pregnant. She knew all to well what we were going through. I felt just horrible when I heard. I felt bad for her and all that she went through, I felt bad for all those times I felt jealous, I felt bad for being so negative towards others’ pregnancies. It was a nice reminder of why I need to let go of that negativity. There isn’t a finite number of babies that can be born and her having a child doesn’t take that opportunity away from me. In fact it gives me hope that our time will come.

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One response

19 12 2007
emilythehopeless

i so know how you feel.. my DH has to stop me from giving death glares to pregnant bellied women. you are right.. we have no idea what it took for them to get pregnant.. for some reason every time i see a pregnant woman i just assume they got pregnant on the first try and i hate them a little.. but i shouldn’t think like that.. i particularly like the last two sentences of your post.. you are so right.. and i’m glad you said that.. you’re giving me hope too… today is day 1 of my first round of clomid..

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